Arthur

In my life, I have one regret, my son.
I still remember the first time I held you
Your mother placed you into my hands and said, "he looks like you"
It was if God himself gave me a ball of clay and told me
Create something in your own image, a better version of yourself
I tried, again and again
But eventually those attempts turned to frustration
And from that frustration came anger
I began to beat my fists into you over and over attempting to make your surface more malleable to my will
But with the hollow thud of each strike I was only reminded of my failure
My boy what have I done?
You became my greatest fears
A man who does not know how to show emotion
Who cannot share his struggles with his friends
And refuses help from everyone. even his family
I tried to show you that I was doing better,
Tried to prove that I had turned my life around
But every time I did, I was met by your stone silence
It was as if your back had become the bricks
Your neck and joints, the mortar long since hardened to my touch
Your face, that of a gargoyles, immobile to the one that would seek to call you Son
Your sister, has become my only way of communication with you
I tell her to let you know that I love you and in return she tells me that you are doing well despite it all
She says that you have turned your friends into a new family
They look to you when they are in need and that you are their triumphant protector
I just wish i could have been yours
Someone told me once, l0ng ago
That every saint, in order to live forever in stone has its demons that it must conquer
I guess, that it what I am for my son










but the greatest above all else is how I treated my boy. I have lost count of how any years it has been since I have spoken to him, since I heard his voice. I've tried to tell him that I am doing better, tried to show him that I have turned my life around, yet every time I se a cold, wall of stone. Honestly I cannot blame him though, with all that I did to him he never said a word. All he did was remain stone silent. I forced my son to become that, A man who does not know how to show any negative emotion. A man who des not tell anyone about his struggles in his life and refuses help from anyone. I turned him into my greatest fears. My brother tells me that that he is doing well though. His friends look to him when they are in need, they are his family, and he is their triumphant protector. I wish I could have been his. I can't quite remember where I heard this but I was once told that every saint has its demon to fight against. I guess that is what I am for my son.