Vulnerability

This is a talk that I've been working on for a while. I'll probably never give it to a crowd, but I think that It still needs to be said. Enjoy

Little fun fact about me that you may not know. I'm a loud person, and I tend to be long winded, especially when I talk about God, so you may want to get comfy cause today we're going on a ride that might make you squirm. I'm talking about being vulnerable. I have struggled with his for my entire life. This is partly because from Pre-school till the 12th grade I went to a private Christian school, and while I learned a great many things from this school the thing that I learned above all else was to maintain a level of limited vulnerability.

What I mean by this was that I learned to hide my sin. I learned that if I could hide my sin from others, I would suddenly be looked upon as a model Christian. I could get out of trouble easier because I was a leader, who made the occasional small mistake and everyone knew that I would own up to it. They saw me as someone who had already repented, and should be followed. Truth is that is the last thing that needed to be happened. I traded sins. I would admit to things that were small in the eyes of men so I could hide what was really going down behind the scenes. I had pulled God down from his Holy throne in heaven and make him look just like me.

I was living in fear of those around me. Instead of laying my sin on the cross for all people to see I was hiding from God and living in fear of what earthly retribution there could be for my sin. To this day I still find myself doing sometimes, and I'm sick of it. I am through hiding myself from God, because it’s pointless. If I truly believe that He is all knowing why do I run from him and do things that I know hurt Him? I want to put my sin out there. I want to be courageous.

Matthew 9:19-22 speak about this in a more beautiful and awesome way than I possibly ever could: 19 So Jesus and his disciples got up and went with him. 20 Just then a woman who had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding came up behind him. She touched the fringe of his robe, 21 for she thought, “If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.” 22 Jesus turned around, and when he saw her he said, “Daughter, be encouraged! Your faith has made you well.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

This woman knew exactly what it means to vulnerable. She had been bleeding for twelve years. She most likely had spent all her money on doctors and healers and now was forced to live in streets. Her people most likely thought of her as unclean and she would have been banished from all social gathering places, forced to beg she would crawl around filled with self shame most likely believing that this disease was brought about by her sin against God. Put yourself into her shoes. Imagine crawling through a crowd of people that is made up of those who used to be your friends and neighbors but have now turned your back on you to the point that if they touch you they feel a sudden urge to run home and take a shower.

In today's terms I think it would be along the same lines as all the sins that you have ever committed being broadcast on the 5 o'clock news. Every single dark thing that you and I have ever done being displayed as if a trail of blood, so that we would have no place to hide. And no matter how much it pains me to say this; I honestly think that would be the best thing that could ever happen to any of us. Personally it would force me to stand before each and every one of you and own up. I would have to look you in the eye knowing that you know every single filthy intimate detail about my life. Yet I would rejoice, because if this happened I would be able to do nothing but reach out my hand and touch the hem of Jesus' cloak and pray that He would forgive me for slapping him in the face every day of my life. Gone would be the idea that I can hide my sin, and at the end of every day I would look to Jesus and hold on, because honestly that’s all that me or you or anyone else for that matter really has.

Guess what? The glorious truth of it all is that every single persons sins, including your own, down to last unspoken thought has been exposed to God as if it really were on the news. He knows you and I better than we are willing to admit. He knows us down to our deepest darkest cores. But in this we have great joy! He has forgiven you and me for every single sin before we even knew that we were going to commit it. He did it so we can rejoice in the fact, not that our sins are not real, but that they are real, and because of his grace our Savior is real.

Honestly I don't think that I could ever say that enough. I hope that somebody, anybody, including myself might truly believe it. Because I know that by the time I'm done writing this I will probably have already forgotten it, and I will probably be thinking of new ways to hide my sin. But that is not what the Christian life is really about is it? It’s about coming to grips the cold hard reality of who we are and start being vulnerable about the sins that we commit in our lives. If there is one thing that American Christians need to learn more about today is that we need to be open about our sins to one another. So that in our boldness we may invite others into where we are hiding so that we may hide there no longer. This is what being vulnerable is really about.

Snapshot or Young James McCanny (working title) Draft 1

Snapshot or young James McCanny

Emily

Who are these people? I don't even know who half of them are. Do they even realize where they are? Shit. I knew something like this would happen. These two worlds can never mesh cohesively. James would make it work though. I wish he were here, he would just slide in smoothly making sure mom's friends and his friends were getting along and just to rile things up probably slip in a conversation that would be sure to make mom and dad shit themselves. God I love that kid.

Brian

Look at this crowd; I never thought I'd see this happen. High class people hangin out with gutter punks like us. Kinda makes me wish I had a suit, not really. Ha! Me in a suit, the simple fact that I'm in a tie should be good enough. Some of the guys could probably pull it off, but me? No way. Oh, well time to find everyone. Is that James' sister? I think I'll go introduce myself.

Jess

God why am I here? James and I just met not two weeks ago, and he never could get my name right. Then again a lot can happen in one short week. Especially in a town like this, time seems to move slower here, maybe it’s the cliques. Everyone talking just to their circle, never really taking the opportunity to meet those below them. People like me.

Marie

How did James ever meet these people? I knew I should have sent him to college out of state. Somewhere Ivy League, where McCanny's truly belong. Too late now. I've lost him to the dregs, to the outcasts, how could I have ever have chased him away like this? How could I have been so foolish?

Thomas

Nice place. Too bad it’s full of pricks. Oh well at least I got to pull my suit out for the occasion. Man what I would give to be able to twist the sticks these old farts have up their asses. This isn't really the place to do that though, just not right considering. Now where could a man find a drink to ease the mingling process?

Eric

Oh buddy there's a lot of people here. I think it'd still be best to let everyone settle before I begin. James sure has been gone a long while now, and no one expected him to come back like this. But then again he did say that when he came back he'd be bringing friends home. I just don think he meant it like this. Well I guess I had better get things stated.

"Friends, family, and loved ones, we are here today to celebrate the life, of young James McCanny..."